The situation got worse before it got better, and I had to suddenly call on a friend to help me get out of it. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and disappointed in myself. I had a visceral emotional reaction to this impending situation and chose to ignore it. How foolish I was to think God would "okay" something that I knew was not Christian behavior. How childlike I was to test Him, and ask Him to make the plans fall apart if they were not of Him - I already knew they weren't, and He knew this. So, I learned my lesson the hard way, and in such a way that I will, without a doubt, listen to my gut in the future, and not try to squirm around it.
My moral compass leads me. I need to learn to embrace this God-given self defense instinct, and act in accordance with my instinctive feelings about situations. In the New International Version Bible, It states in James 1:5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. This is true when you truly do not know which way to turn. Pieces of the puzzle will fall into place until the plan is revealed, but at the very onset of my situation I knew it was not honorable and the lessons learned were hard and heavy.
I continue to learn daily in my walk with Jesus, and looking back through the years of my life, I have found that the toughest times revealed to me a much stronger sense of self, endurance, and patience. Each time as I emerged on the other side, I was a different person with new insight to share with others, renewed strength that built up my confidence, and humbleness to my Creator for walking with me and showing me gently the error of my ways.
