If Heaven had a flavor ... it would be coffee.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Lotsa Body

I know, I know, some of you have been asking for a java post, but it's not an easy task to take on when you want to do your passion justice!  Here is my best effort, it was a labor of joy and required many countless pots!  Oh darn.

my fav Has Lotsa Body:

Whether regular or dark roast, java coffee is noted for it's rich deep flavor, and body.  It can be blended with the thinner, winey (not whiney) Mocha to create the famous Mocha Java blend.  This is where you say, "Oh My!"

Facts to sip to:

  • Hawaii is the only state in the US that grows coffee.

  •  Coffee grows on trees, up to 30 feet tall.  Wow!

  • The average yield from one tree, is one roasted pound of coffee.

  • The bean is a seed inside of a bright red berry.

  • Coffee is the second most traded commodity on earth (first is petroleum).

  • People who primarily buy their coffee at drive through windows, will spend 45 hrs. a year in line.  Hours!

  • A Belgian, living in Guatemala invented instant coffee.  His name was George Washington.  Not to be mistaken for father.              
Mocha coffee comes from here ----------->

                         oops, i mean up here!

Life is short, stay awake for it!  Caribou is my favorite chain of coffee shops with oh so delicious coffee, never bitter and always a compelling conversation to listen in on.  Free Wi-Fi, tantalizing aromas, and if you're lucky on a Friday evening sometimes there will be acoustic guitar  :o)

Just a few ways to know if you drink too much coffee:

  1. You answer the door before people knock.
  2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.  
  3. You ski uphill.  
  4. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.  
  5. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  6. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
  7. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  8. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.  
  9. When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs. (ok, this is me)
  10. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.  
  11. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
  12. You lick your coffeepot clean. (but how embarrassing if my head got stuck)
  13. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.  
  14. You chew on other people's fingernails. 
  15. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.  
  16. All your kids are named "Joe".  
  17. You don't sweat, you percolate.
  18. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  19. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  20. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

And just a few more ways:
  1. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
  2. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
  3. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  4. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.  
  5. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
  6. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
  7. Instant coffee takes too long.
  8. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
  9. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
  10. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
  11. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
  12. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
  13. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.  
  14. You get drunk just so you can sober up. 
  15. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
  16. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.     
  17. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
  18. You don't tan, you roast.
  19. You don't get mad, you get steamed.  
  20. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood. Oh yeah.
  21. You can't even remember your second cup.
  22. You help your dog chase its tail.  
  23. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.  Just Kidding!  Just The Good!

  • Increases alertness
  • Dilates and opens up the airways in people who have asthma or bronchitis
  • Rich in antioxidants
  • Boosts metabolism
  • Treats migraines
  • Less likely to develop Alzheimer's and Parkinson's
  • Prevents diabetes
  • 50% less likely to suffer from breast, colon, and prostate cancer
  • Fewer strokes
  • 4 hr. erections, ok I just made that one up.

Now I need to address something not so pleasant.  I couldn't believe it when I first learned of it - I thought it was a joke. Truly.  There is a coffee out there that people drink, that is crapped from a cat.  It's True!  Civet  coffee.  And get this, it's the Most Expensive coffee in the world!  Oh sure, it is washed and sundried, lightly roasted and brewed, but why is it LIGHTLY roasted?  After being defecated I want it HEAVILY roasted!  "They" say (the drinkers thereof) it is quite aromatic - I'll Bet!
A loose translation of it's name is "weasel coffee".  You know why?  Because it comes from a weasel's Butt!  I see that there are chemically simulated versions that are produced.  What do I say? Give Me The Chemicals!  It is highly expensive because of it's unusual process.  Well, stop feeding it to the cats then!  Get this, it is said that after the thorough washing, "levels of harmful organisms were insignificant".  INSIGNIFICANT?!  This cat-crap coffee can run $600/lb. - For Weasel Coffee!


Coffee Cupping...

                                                                                                                           they dump the remains!

Two woman are fighting in the supermarket. One quickly got the Folgers coffee, and dumps it down the other woman's shirt. The lady asks why she did that? Her response was, "There's nothin' better than waking up with Folgers in your cup."